


(Not) Strong enough

by TifaSugarEng (tifasugar)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sheith Positivity Party 2019, season 8? what season 8?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 01:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20417855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tifasugar/pseuds/TifaSugarEng
Summary: Keith POV"He was looking at him (...) surrounded by people and loved by everyone, kind, funny, smart, strong, the hero, the golden boy, pilot of the Atlas, the savior, the perfect human; Takashi Shirogane.And he felt deep down in his guts, and now more than ever, that he wasn’t enough."





	(Not) Strong enough

**Author's Note:**

> Fic for the Sheith positivity party!!  
The art that inspired this, by [Wolfie](https://twitter.com/Skuggoo_Scribbs), is at the end notes and linked to some sentences!

_ Not enough _

He was looking at him, at his wide shoulders and confident stance, a silver lock of hair framing his face. At his sharp and strong jaw tensing in every smile, his deep voice reaching him even at that distance. _At him_, surrounded by people and loved by everyone, kind, funny, smart, strong, the hero, the golden boy, pilot of the Atlas, the savior, the perfect human; Takashi Shirogane.

And he felt deep down in his guts, and now more than ever, that he wasn’t enough.

The feeling wasn’t new, it accompanied him since he lost everything a long time ago. Even when Shiro held his hand for him to reach, even when he kinda got his life back together, _even then_ he knew he wasn’t good enough.

Not good enough to be the best pilot at the garrison despite beating Shiro’s records. Not when the other students bullied him for being different or out of jealousy, Iverson assuming that he always was the one who started fights.

Not good enough to be considered a friend by anyone until he found Shiro. And even then, not good enough to be more than a wayward kid in his eyes. He wasn't the one back then, Adam was, and their relationship remained the same. Mentor and mentee, friends, brothers. Nothing else.

Keith looked at the glass in his hand, grimacing at his own feelings, trying as hard as he could to stay in control.

But the intrusive thoughts came to stay.

Not good enough to be the leader of Voltron. And once black chose him, not good enough to be trusted, not until their lives were at risk. And even then… always proving himself worthy because in their mind he was _ not _good enough.

Not good enough to be galra or human, lost in the middle. Too strange and aggressive to fit among humans, too weak and small among galra. 

Not good enough, despite saving the world. The paladins talked to each other, to their families and friends while Keith stood in a corner holding an empty glass of alcohol. If only Krolia were there… but she was busy with the blades, her life won’t stop just because they found each other.

Keith wasn’t feeling strong enough to bear with himself, the background sound of cheerful conversations overwhelming him in the crowded hall. And he didn’t miss Shiro’s polite smile in a mildly sad face, his eyes telling of the struggle inside his mind and heart. Yes, they won this battle, but they've lost so much, _ Shiro's _ lost so much. And Keith knew he couldn’t do anything to make him feel better. To get rid of the sad expression that appeared on his face as soon as the mask slipped when he turned around, the ‘empty glass’ excuse coming from his lips when doing so. It was frustrating, painful.

‘Cause he wasn’t enough for Shiro.

Keith turned around, looking for the door, swallowing the lump in his throat, fighting against warm and disgusting tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, walking fast, _ faster _, towards his quarters, inside the safety of a closed space, curling up in bed, taking a deep breath before letting go.

Alone.

This war was too much.

His _ selfish feelings _ have always been too much.

Cause despite the image he gave to others, [he wasn’t strong enough](https://twitter.com/Skuggoo_Scribbs/status/1151278744327401480).

####  **~·~·~**

Keith lost track of time, sleep avoiding him like the plague. After crying for who knows how long his cheeks were now dry, too exhausted to do anything but staring at the gray wall and too sad to fall asleep. It just took him to come back to Earth to finally break, a moment of peace to let himself _ feel _. And he broke like glass under pressure after all those years of unshaded tears, contained even in the most stressful moments of his life.

His fingers played with the cover of his pillow, sad and burning eyes looking without seeing, too lost in himself. 

In that pain in his chest. 

Maybe he should talk to anyone, but who would listen? It was _ his _ problem and sharing has never been his thing. 

Groaning, he buried his face in his pillow, tired of crying (once more), of being sad, of so many feelings; tired of pretending. He fell deep under a wave of loneliness, shame and self-hatred, so deep he didn’t hear the whoosh sound of the door sliding open, the steps slowly covering the distance between it and his bed.

“Keith”

His fingers curled over the fabric, his breath stopping in his chest and startled wide eyes looking at the wall with a tint of horror in them. _ ‘Go away’ _ he thought, _ ‘please, don’t look at me, not like this’ _

“Shiro” he begged.

The dip of the bed at his back made him curl into himself even more. A warm, familiar and soft touch on his shoulder made his body react in a needy tremble he couldn’t hide. “Hey”, his warm breath brushed over his ear, the smell of some fruity drink mixing with Shiro’s scent, “you disappeared a while ago, are you feeling sick? Is it the head, does it still hurts?”

“Yeah” if Shiro thought it was because of the battle wounds he would take it as an excuse. He remained silent for a while, a long sigh coming from his nose before talking in a whisper.

“Can I do something?” his hand lowered in a soft caress over his arm, reaching his wrist and up again, leaving a trail of goosebumps on his way. Keith pressed his face to the pillow, wondering if he could be selfish. Just tonight.

“Stay”

Shiro answered his tiny and scared petition laying down on his bed at his back, surrounding Keith’s body with his human arm and warmth, prosthetic fingers playing with strands of black and long hair at the top of his head. Clicking his tongue, Keith rolled on place, burying his face on Shiro’s chest to inhale deeply, letting go a shaky breath. One of his arms folded against his chest while the other slid around Shiro’s waist to grab at the back of his white tank top. His change of clothes could only mean that it was late at night, Shiro wasn’t the one to leave a diplomatic party soon. 

“It’s been hard, isn’t it? All these fighting… the non-stop conflict, not a single moment of peace” 

Just being there, listening to his voice and heartbeat calmed the whirlwind of thoughts, diminishing the heartache until it was barely a sting. 

"Yeah, it was. And, I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you since we arrived but_—_

"You don't have to apologize, not to me anyway. I didn't talk to you either, did I?" 

Keith sighed, his heart finally beating at a regular speed, the lump on his throat now gone. He sighed against Shiro's chest, his body melting in the warmth and smell around him. This wasn't new to any of them and to Keith it was also a come back to the very same safety he felt when he was a teenager. Everytime Keith had a particular rough day, they used to lay in bed, just talking.

Keith couldn't avoid the brush of his nose against Shiro's neck, watching his Adam's apple bobbing right before he spoke.

“Keith” he whispered against his dark bangs, “it’s probably not the best time for this, but it never seems to be. I just, I need… Keith” The soft kiss against his forehead made his eyes go wide, staring directly at Shiro's throat. He sounded nervous for some reason and that made Keith's heart race “Keith, I, uhm, I love you”

He looked up into Shiro’s eyes for the truth in them, expecting this to be a dream, a joke, a misunderstanding.

Finding honesty, a pinch of sadness and overwhelming amounts of adoration in the warmth of his gray, kind eyes.

[It was all Keith ever wanted to hear.](https://twitter.com/Skuggoo_Scribbs/status/1140059138728349702)

Shiro moved his hands until he cupped Keith's face with them, a soft smile curling his lips, his thumbs caressing Keith's cheeks.

"I love you _ too _" Shiro repeated in a soft voice, warm hands on his skin, sweet breath over his lips.

Keith couldn't find his voice, staring at him behind his tears, a quiet sob coming up from his chest, shaking his body. And Shiro came closer, a tentative brush of lips at first, a firm press once he was sure Keith wanted this too.

And _ how could he not _.

Keith clinged to him for dear life, receiving and giving wet and slow kisses, his inexperience forgotten once Shiro held him tight. And after what it seemed forever but not long enough, they broke the kiss, looking into each other's eyes.

"Why?" Still starstruck by what just happened, Keith touched his face, the scratch of an incipient beard under his fingers.

"Do you really need to ask?" He found Keith's need of reaffirmation in his silence, "because it was always you, in the end. The one who never gave up on me, because of the smart, brave man you became, handsome and _ strong" _Keith's breath faltered at this, new tears blurred his vision, "my strong black paladin".

Shiro pressed their foreheads together, holding Keith while being held by him. And warm breathes mixed together in the quiet of the night, two souls finding each other once again. But this time, to never let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Art by [Wolfie](https://twitter.com/Skuggoo_Scribbs):
> 
> ·[Hurt](https://twitter.com/Skuggoo_Scribbs/status/1151278744327401480?s=20)  
·[Comfort](https://twitter.com/Skuggoo_Scribbs/status/1140059138728349702?s=20)
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked it! Even a <3 makes the writer's day!


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